This question comes up so often that I thought it was time to write about it. Women email me all the time asking what they should wear on a date. Almost every time I hear the same thing. Women tell me that they want to look sexy, but not too sexy. They want to look dressed up, but not like they tried too hard. They want to look like themselves, but better. If you've dated recently you are probably laughing right now. I think we have all been there!
I find it so intriguing that we go through this to get ready for a date that I started asking men what they wanted to see. If we are getting dressed to impress them...shouldn't we find out what does it for them? The answers were the same most every time. Okay, there are a couple of exceptions, but I'll talk about them later.
Men say that the sexiest thing on a woman is confidence and a smile. Most men can give you an idea of what a woman was wearing, but not a real description. For example, if you ask my husband what I was wearing when he met me you will get a remarkable answer. He will tell you that I had on a navy, skirted suit and heels. Not bad, right? I mean, that was 12 years ago! Except, I had on a black, skirted suit. The suit was this fantastic long jacket and shorter skirt. I wore it with really sheer black nylons and a pair of kid leather pumps with a small bow on top. The jacket buttoned all the way up with five buttons and had a double collar. Okay, what I was wearing was way more important to me than it was to him.
If you ask him what he remembers about me he will tell you that he thought my smile lit up the room. He liked that I was confident and took the lead with my group (we met in a business setting). He will also tell you that he thought my eyes were beautiful and he couldn't get them out of his mind. These are the things that he fell for. These are the things that made me beautiful to him.
I'm telling you this because at that point and time I wasn't dressing for him. I was dressing for me. I wore things that made me feel like I could conquer the world. I remember shopping with my mother for weeks to prepare for this job. It was a really big deal and I wanted suits that were unique and reflected my personality (conservative with an edge). I managed to find five suits that were perfect.
So when you go on a date remember this. Dress for yourself. When you feel like you can conquer the world he will take notice. He will probably not be able to remember what you had on, but he will remember that you were confident and happy. But, there's more.
The one thing that you must pay attention to is grooming. Make sure that your nails are clean, shaped and that you are not wearing chipped polish. If you have on polish and it chips, take the time to take it off. Make sure that your clothes are clean and in good shape. Wear shoes that are in good shape and don't show excessive wear. Make sure that you wear a conservative amount of perfume. So many people are allergic to various scents. He probably will not notice the details (I mean, they are men!), but he will notice that you care for yourself. That makes it easier for him to care for you too.
Finally, I told you that there was an exception to the rule about what impresses a man. The main exception is situational. He may not care much about what you have on but if you are extremely out of place with what you are wearing he will probably notice. For example, if you are going to a five star restaurant you will want to skip the jeans. If you are going to a ballgame you will want to skip the dressy dress. Just be aware of what the norm is (especially for him) and follow that.
Happy dating, girls.
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6 comments:
I can't help but notice that you write with the assumption that your readers and potential clients are heterosexual and will be on dates with men. I know that your aim is to be inclusive of all women and all styles. Your advice was for women to dress confidently in order to put their best selves forward, while considering situational variables, such as date destination. If dressing confidently/appropriately is truly what's most important, why do you proceed to write "Just be aware of what the norm is (especially for him) and follow that"? To me, that not only weakened your entire argument, but excluded any potential client who doesn't date men.
I have to agree with the anonymous comment above. I have not considered the fact that some of my readers may not date men. I write from personal experience and I apologize to my readers who I have neglected to address by being to narrow in my view.
I do want to clarify what I meant about being aware of the norm. So often dating can be a very emotional experience and make you feel vulnerable. I mean it when I say to be yourself and wear what you find comfortable. However, if the norm for the situation is tshirt and jeans and you show up in a cocktail dress, you will probably feel uncomfortable. If you are a woman who is always comfortable in a cocktail dress (just an example) then by all means, please follow your instincts. I assume that most women who are that comfortable with their appearance won't be swayed by my blog entry.
Oh, come on"Anonymous," must everything on the planet be inclusive of everyone on the planet? This article, you will notice is also only telling women how to dress-- does that make it sexist by also not telling men how to dress? I am so tired of the complaints when someone is excluded. If you want advice on how to dress for a date, go to a site that speaks to you and your situation. Just because this one is not geared toward you does not mean that you have to criticize it.
Thank you for this article. It was exactly what I needed. I am in a situation where I need a bit of advice. I haven't dated anyone for quite some time and will be meeting someone I haven't seen in almost 30 years, if all goes well. So far, I feel like a bug on a petri dish. This article helps.
I like this article, especially as it emphasizes on how someone (male or female) should feel confident on their own first, especially when they want to be liked by not only their date, but the people around them in the surroundings as well.
Therefore it IS quite important to dress according to some level of norm, but with an edge... e.g. pretty but casual dress on a coffee date instead of baggy jeans and t-shirt would work for me.
And I agree again, if you're a girl - smiling and listening is key. For a guy - same, but they tend to get carried away by their own stories more...careful on that!
Come on anonymous - pretty sure what makes a woman look good when she is on a date with a man will be the same thing if she is dating a women. Lesbians haven't got some special fashioncode for dates exclusive to them.
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