Just a little piece of the puzzle

I have been reading the book A New Earth. Yes, I jumped on the Oprah bandwagon and decided that it would be fun to be part of the biggest book club meeting ever! I have to admit, this is a hard read. I started the book and found that my mind was really wandering and had to start over. I am only to page 57 but something started to happening that I wanted to share with you.

The part of the book that I am at talks a lot about ego. How our ego is that little voice in our head that never seems to turn off. It causes us to over think things; spending time and energy trying to work through every situation. Eckhart Tolle gives us little exercises to do to just "be". This is the awareness of being a living thing. An awareness of being a life force. Heavy stuff.

So, I do the exercises. I focus on my hands....with my little voice in my head telling me how stupid this is. Never the less I just try to feel. Okay, I get the tingling in my hands and the voice in my head gets softer. How this is going to help me find my life purpose I have no idea, but I'm hanging in there.

When I get in the car, I put the top down. It is the first day that we have had glorious sun in so very long. My mind is completely quiet. I am just enjoying the feeling of the sun on my face and the wind in my hair. About 20 minutes later, it occurs to me that I was just "being". I was experiencing pure and complete bliss. I can't tell you how happy that made me feel.

As I was pulling into my neighborhood there was a couple walking and they stepped into the street just as I was making the turn. I just stopped and gave them a big smile. I mean, I feel great in this moment. Why not spread the feeling around. They both gave me big waves and smiles. It was an Ah Ha moment.

The positive energy that we create by "being" in our lives is actually just a little piece of the puzzle. Our positive energy flows to someone else and then their positive energy flows to someone else and then their positive energy flows to someone else. See how we can affect things on a greater level just by following our own bliss?

Plunging Necklines

I don't often write about specific products. If you read my blog very much you know that I spend a lot of time focusing on the inside and how it affects your appearance. That's why today's blog is quite a departure for me. I found something that you just have to know about.

I like necklines that are lower. I think that I look thinner when I show more chest. However, I am a pretty well endowed woman and have to be careful about how low the neckline goes because a bra just isn't optional. I have tried absolutely everything on the market for curvy girls who want plunging necklines and support. Absolutely nothing has worked to this point.

I have to confess that what I am about to tell you about wasn't even found by me. My husband saw this and brought it to my attention. Donna and I tease all the time that we have broken our husbands. They are way more in tune with how things fit a woman's body than any other man I have ever met! Anyway, here it is.

Dr. Rey's Shapewear Deep Plunge Bodysuit is available at Sears. It is very reasonbly priced and comes in black and nude. Here's the beauty of the item, though. It comes in sizes clear up to a 40DD. That means that full figure girls can get that sexy, plunge neckline with support! This is a first, girls.

There is a whole line of shapewear by Dr. Rey. He is the plastic surgeon from Dr. 90210 on the E Entertainment Network. Obviously he has spent a lot of time working with women's bodies. He knows their shape and how women feel about particular parts. He has done a good job of addressing those issues with his various shapewear pieces. You can see the entire line on his website.

This Keeps Coming Up

Since I started writing this blog I have said over and over that we have to be our own best friends, we have to love ourselves or we have to treat ourselves like we would the people in our lives. Everything that I write about is coming from experiences that I have recently had or conversations that I have been involved in or something in pop culture that triggers these thoughts. So, it isn't that I think I have to repeat myself to be heard. It is that the topic of being good to yourself is a common subject these days.

This time it came up in a conversation with a male friend of mine. A relationship that he was in recently ended. It ended badly and he was hurt. Over cocktails the other night he told me and my girlfriends about the situation. He was looking for some clarity...for some way to not hurt so bad. One of my girlfriends spent time working through what his exes actions meant in terms of communication. When they finished their conversation he said, "Yea, but what do I say if she calls?" Both of my girlfriends said, "She won't call." But, he said it again, "What if she does. I don't know what to say." I gave him my pearls of wisdom.

He called me yesterday and said that what really stuck with him was what I said. So here it is. I said to tell her that he loved her and cared deeply for her but that now it was time to love himself and take care of himself. That's it...don't say anymore. Get it out, get off the phone and then do it....take care of himself. He said that statement made him feel like it was possible to move on. What does this have to do with style?

As usual, I will say that the way you feel about yourself is reflected in how you look. Your opinion about yourself is the absolute first part of style. If you are hurt, rejected or abused in any way it will show in your demeanor and confidence; which then affects your appearance. The only....and I mean the only way to get back your confidence and beauty is to take care of yourself. Accept that whatever happened happened. It is what it is. Figure out what you need to start to heal and then do it!

A Man's Point of View

My husband copied me on an email that he sent to one of his associates today. It was just too good not to share with all of you. See, we are going on an annual award trip next week. We are there to help host the associates who have truly exceeded...busted....burned up goals over the past year. It is an honor to get to be with this extraordinary group.

Every year my husband is asked some question about appropriate attire. One year he had a manager ask if he really needed to wear a tuxedo. This was one of the first years...so when he told me what the question was I said, "Yes, a tuxedo should be worn...it is an opportunity for the spouses, partners or friends to get dressed up and the company actually provides a tux if necessary. This is when all of your peers get to applaud you for a job more than well done. This is not the time to be underdressed!" Since that year, my husband has been all over the appropriate dress subject.

So, as usual, a comment about attire came up today. One of his associates told another that I was into fashion so choose their dress with that in mind. The associate, in good humor, sent my husband an email telling him how excited she was and that she was putting a lot of thought into her dress. She didn't want me to judge it poorly. Here is what he wrote back:

"One correction on my wife, Gini. Fashion is her passion and her business, but she is never critical. She does say that this is your shinning moment, so FEEL good about yourself! Safe travels and see you there!"

How fabulous is that! He totally understands that if you feel good....you look good. It has taken some time, but if he can get it, everyone can get it. So, if you are one of those women who says to yourself all the time that you are not attractive, or have things to hide....stop it! When you feel good....you will look good.

My Bathing Suit Battle

The time has come that I will be traveling to a tropical destination with over 500 other people. Each year my husband's company has an award trip. The first year it was in Banff. I was overcome with joy. I can ski with the best of them and look good doing it. Every year since the trip has been to a warm weather destination.

Every year I get about 2 weeks out and panic about a bathing suit. It's not that I don't like water. I love the ocean....lying by the pool...even the water parks. I panic about the suit because I don't want to miss out on the fun because I am self conscious about the tiny piece of lycra that I am wearing. So, my husband, who is completely sympathetic, said let's go shopping yesterday. He totally gets that I don't want to do this, but will hate it if I want to go to the pool and am unprepared.

We head out to the mall. I don't care if I get a suit that costs $25 or $250 as long as it covers my bum and hold my boobs up where they belong (of course without being so tight that I have extra boobs under my arms). As we walk through Macy's I chastise myself for not ordering a Lori Coulter suit 2 months ago. I could have had a suit that was custom made for my body, in the color of my choice, and in the price range that I have set for this venture. But, alas, the denial that I have been saturated in cost me the time that it takes to get one of these delicious suits.

I finally end up buying 2 suits to take home and struggle into in the privacy of my locked bathroom. I put the first one on and it isn't half bad. It doesn't fit perfectly but it meets my two criteria...bum is covered...girls are mid way between my shoulders and elbows. I walk out and my husband says it is fabulous (gotta love this man). I don't leave the bathroom with the second suit.

Never-the-less, I am covered. I can lay by the pool or float down the lazy river and not feel like there are girl parts falling out all over the place. I remember the time that my husband and I played in the water park at the Grand Wailea in Hawaii all day. We laughed, we turned the wheel on the water elevator like crazy and we swung into the lagoon on a rope swing. There was also the time in Jamaica where we layed on rafts in the pool all afternoon, holding hands so we wouldn't drift apart, and talked like we hadn't in ages. I would have missed those moments if I had neglected to get a suit at all.

I bring this up because I don't know a woman who doesn't hate buying a bathing suit. Okay, there are the very young and supple or the genetically altered, but other than them....most of us hate bathing suits. As I go through the emotions of having to squeeze into one and show myself in public, my husband reminds me that the most beautiful he has ever seen me is when I laugh uncontrollably or relax completely and just succumb to life.

Live out loud, take all the opportunities and to hell with worrying about the tiny lycra!!

Live Like You Were Dying

Almost everyone that I know has heard the Tim McGraw song Live Like You Were Dying. If you haven't heard this song, I encourage you to watch the embedded video.

Most people don't have any idea when they will die. Would you even want to know? But, if you did, would you do things differently? I bring this up because it does have relevance to your personal style.

I'll get back to personal style in a minute. If you read my blog very often you know that I write more about your appearance and self confidence in terms of how you feel about yourself than I do about actual style tips. Every day something happens that guides what the blog will be about that day. Today I got an email from a good friend who works with a Midwest charitable organization. The video below was in her email. I encourage you to take 12 minutes and watch this video. It could very well change your life....or at least the way you live it!


I won't spend time commenting on this clip. It says everything that anyone needs to know about living. But, I do want to bring it back around to your personal style.

Every day I meet women who hate the way they look. They worry about what to wear (haven't we all been there) and what people think about them. Sometimes I meet women who are so concerned about how they look that they have forgotten to continue to live while they work on their appearance. This isn't actually all that unusual.

We've all said or heard another woman say that she will have a better life or be happy when...she loses weight, has plastic surgery, gets better clothes, gets a designer handbag. The list goes on and on. She may even be visibly unhappy...waiting for that magic thing that will change the way she feels.

Here is the hard lesson. There is no magic bullet. Nothing that you can buy (with possibly the exception of therapy) can make you a happy, confident person. Living your life, following your dreams and having fun are the things that will make you beautiful. Your personal style starts on the inside. All of the beautiful things in the world and all of the plastic surgery in the world can not make a woman beautiful on its own. She has to have a life that shines through first.

If you are in a place that feels hopeless or ugly, please take the time today to count your blessings, dream a little and give yourself a break. If you are in a good place, please take the time to count your blessings, dream a little and laugh out loud. That is where beauty begins.

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

How do you feel when you look in the mirror? Do your eyes immediately travel to what you think are your flaws? Do you ever look in the mirror and see you as a whole? The good...the great....the unique?

I find it interesting that we reduce ourselves to our parts. We look at our arms and wish that they didn't wiggle so much. We look at our tummies and remember when they were flat. And our breats! We wish they were bigger, firmer, smaller...whatever! But, when was the last time you looked in the mirror and said something like, "Hey, gorgeous, you look fabulous today!"

That's what each and every one of us should be doing. I love the song Stronger Woman by Jewel. She says in her lyrics:

I'm going to love myself
more than anyone else
Believe in me
even if someone can't see a
stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
stick with me to the end...

Women have a tendency to treat others better than they do themselves. We don't reduce others to parts.

We generally see a person as a whole. And, as we get to know and like them, we don't notice flaws. So, we know and hopefully like ourselves. What if today you give yourself a break? Be your own best friend. Tell yourself the great things that you like about you. Look in the mirror and say, "Girlfriend, you are having a spectacular hair day."

Try it on for size. Believe in you as a whole person today. Be the Stronger Woman!!

A behind the scenes look at the apparel market

I wanted to share a little behind the scenes action with you about how we buy clothes for our website. Previously, we showed our members outfits pulled together from various retailers. But, we were frustrated at the way the clothes actually fit as opposed to what we saw on the models on the retailers websites. So, we decided to increase our level of service and go straight to the source for the clothes that we show.

As you know, we are mostly concerned about what looks great on real women's shapes. We are also concerned about clothing fitting the peronality of our members. With all of this in mind Donna and I visited the Dallas and Las Vegas apparel markets in search of just the right items. Armed with our chart of what we were looking for, tape measures, camera and American Express....off we went.

Dallas was our first market. The women's apparel show is located in the Dallas Market Center. Many of the showrooms are permanent and you can visit them once a month. Therefore, you get maps with showroom names and the brands they carry. Of coure, there are some temporary booths there for the show. But all in all this is a very organized and easy experience. We would visit a showroom, lay things out to measure them, ask the models to try things on, try things on ourselves and make decisions based first on fit and then on style. We came home feeling elated with our purchases. Once we filled in the spaces on our chart we discovered how little we really bought. But we were there for 3 whole days and spend 12 hours a day buying clothes! How could we have gotten so little?

We quickly made reservations for Las Vegas. When we got the information about the shows in Vegas, we found out that they were spread all over the city. If you wanted lower priced clothes you had to go to the Sand's, contemporary sportswear and accessories at the Convention Center, better sportswear at the Rio, and the designer show at the World Market Center. There were other shows, but they weren't related to women's apparel (thank God!). We sat down over a stiff drink and made a plan. We had four days to get everything we needed to fill the gaps from Dallas and to help our members dress their shape and style.



We hit the Off Price Market the first day looking for bargain accessories. We saw some of the same items at this show as we had seen in Dallas. But, it was kind of like sample sale shopping. People were grabbing up great deals and negotiating like it was the floor of the stock exchange. You had to be quick or lose your chance at the awesome deals available. We thought about a couple of pieces and they were sold out before we could make our minds up. Don't fret though....we got a lot of fabulous steals at this show. Then we were off to the MagicShow.

I don't mean that we were off to see David Copperfield (darn it). Magic is the big women's apparel show at the Convention Center. We changed direction at this show and decided to just make the purchases when we saw the items. We didn't want to risk losing the opportunity for great finds again. We made some big discoveries quickly...and ones that could impact the ability to show you how things would work together for your shape and style.

1. You really have to watch the delivery dates or you will have things being delivered at way different times and they won't be available to make an outfit



2. You have to ask if the piece you are looking at is just a sample or not. Some things will actually have big changes that cannot be anticipated. If the piece is a sample...we just walk away so that our members aren't disappointed.



3. Finally, you have to make sure that what you are seeing comes in the same exact fabric. At market, the showrooms will often use one piece to show shape and several others to show fabric. It is imperative that you pay attention to these kinds of details when ordering.

This may sound like a lot goes into getting items into a store, but, it is even bigger than that. At each show there may be anywhere from 600-4000 showrooms. Each showroom may rep several designers. By the time market is over a buyer has seen thousands and thousands of items.

No matter how many items there may be, Donna and I are dedicated to bringing you clothes that work for your individual shape and personal style.

Out of the Office

Donna and I are in Las Vegas shopping for fabulous looks just for the real woman. We will be back on our regular schedule of posting next week.

Have a fanatastic week and come back on Monday!

Travel Clothes

Donna and I are in Las Vegas for the Magic Market. This is where buyers from all over the world come to shop for department stores, boutiques, specialty shops...really the whole gammet. There are actually over 8 different markets going on right now. It is the biggest shopping venue I have ever seen!

The reason that I tell you this is that Donna and I spend 12-16 hours a day on our feet walking miles and miles and digging through tons of clothing, handbags and accessories. It is a physically gruelling day, no way around it. But, by the same token, it is a fashion mecca. So, when you travel, then spend your time walking a bunch, how do you stay looking cute?

I thought I would share a couple of our travel tips. I know that when you travel you probably think comfort first. That is fine...I do the same thing. However, you don't want to end up in sweats all the time. I always pack a great pair of knit pants in black. You just can't go wrong with black pants and at least the knit won't wrinkle and it will feel like sweats!

You can get great knits at any price point. If you don't want to invest a lot, try Newport News in their FX line. If you want to spend a little more for something that is great looking and washable try Misook. If you have a lot more to spend, there is always St. John (go for the Sport line). You can wear virtually any top with black pants and look polished.

Okay, so your dressed, now the big question, "What do I wear for shoes?" At market we see everything from tennis shoes to Danko clogs. Truth is that everyone has a different tolerance for walking in shoes all day long. Cute shoes lose their appeal when you see a woman limping around in them. If you can wear a flat all day, there are some fabulous, fashion tennis shoes that are dressy enough to wear with black knit pants. Look for Sketchers, Puma or RocketDog. I like mules in plain black. I found a pair of Nickels that are comfortable to walk all day in. Donna is wearing a pair of Bear Traps mules. Let your feet be your guide, just avoid white, workout tennis shoes with your black pants.

Well, we are off to shop for all of you. We will be back on our regular schedule of posting next week!!

Hurt Feelings

This morning as I sit down to write my blog it is a little harder than usual. You see, I got my feelings hurt this morning and I am honestly having a hard time letting it go. I think it hurt so much because someone commented on an outfit that I wore that they didnt' think was good for someone in my position. I don't know who said it because the comment came to me third hand. I really liked that outfit and I don't know that I agree with the comment, but it still had an impact on my confidence.

What I will say is that no matter what a person wears, someone is always going to find fault in it. You can never please all of the people all of the time. You have to dress for you. When you look in the mirror, you have to be pleased by what you see. The reason for this is that confidence comes from that place inside. And, no matter how many people tell you that you look great, unless you believe it, you just won't show confidence. Bottom line, confidence is what makes a woman beautiful.

So, why do I tell you that someone else was able to hurt me and rock my confidence today? It's honest. I try and share with you observations and opinions that I think will help you. I want you to know that every one of us are vulnerable about our appearance. I have met very few women who don't feel self conscious about some part of the way they look. The point of what anatomyofstyle.com does is to help you love what you see in the mirror so that you can feel your best and project confidence. For me, our methods work 95% of the time. But, and this is important, NO ONE has perfect looks all the time.

Unfortunately, other people's opinions often do make a difference in how we feel. Therefore, I want to ask you to do something (if you aren't already doing it)....unless someone asks, don't share your thoughts about their appearance. It isn't fair to us, as women, to be torn down by someone's good intentions. Of course there is always an exception. If you see another woman who hasn't noticed that her top has come down below her breasts, by all means, give her a heads up. But, if what you want to say is just an opinion about not liking what she is wearing....keep it to yourself.

Who are you?

Many of you know that we are posting the "Secrets of Mastering Personal Style" on our member site. As each segment is completed, we are giving our members the unique opportunity to go through the segment, review it and tell us their stories. In order to get the segments out there in a timely manner, I have started dedicating one day a week to do nothing but write.

Yesterday, as I was working on the segment, "Know Thyself", I really had the chance to reflect on the evolution of women. In today's society, more than ever before, women are wearing numerous hats. Many of us have roles that number in the teens and twenties. We are daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, friends, employees, caregivers, coaches, parishoners, teammates...the list goes on and on. So, does that give you any idea as to why women are feeling confused about their personal style?

It's natural for someone to feel that they are one person one minute and another person ten minutes later when that really is the case. Imagine if you work in a corporate atmosphere. Maybe you wear a conservative suit to the office. At 5:30 you find yourself dashing to your child's school to coach their soccer team. By 7:00 you are whipping up a healthy meal for you family. And, finally by 9:00 you are sitting down with you husband to hear about his day and try and connect. You have your corporate conservative style, your sporty, soccer mom style (which luckily works in the kitchen too) and finally you have a sexier, softer style for connecting with you husband. Well, in theory that's how this works.

In reality, you are dressing down at work so that you can just slip your jacket off and walk onto the soccer field. And, odds are at 9:00 you are wearing one of your husband's big, old tshirts. How does that affect your life? You may not think that it does, but research shows that there is a tremendous impact to your psychi which impacts your life.

That's why it is important to us to share the research with you and to show you what a difference your appearance can make in your life. Something as simple as knowing what makes you feel your absolute best can increase your confidence and productivity.

If you are a member and are going through the "Secrets of Mastering Personal Style" program, we are anxious to hear about your personal challenges and how you have been able to improve the way you feel by applying our principles.

If you are not a member, "Secrets of Mastering Personal Style" will be available for purchase later this year. The only way to get it now is to become a member!!

Who doesn't love a compliment?

I was going into the grocery store in late December when a lovely woman dressed in an animal print jacket and black slacks walked out. As I went by I told her that she looked fabulous! She was so cute...she was standing there waiting for her husband to pick her up. She took me over to the car and introduced me and told her husband what I said. She said that she hadn't received a compliment from a stranger in ages.

It ocurred to me that her reaction gave me as much pleasure as I hope my compliment gave her. It made me want to give compliments more often. It is at that point that I started to consciously look around and comment whenever I saw a woman who was wearing something "wow" or just looked great. I've always commented...it just hasn't always been out loud. I can't even begin to tell you how fun this has become.

My husband and I were having our ritual, late weekend breakfast this past Sunday when a woman walked by with a lovely scarf. I told her how beautiful it was as she passed by. She looked surprised, then she looked down to see what she was wearing and finally she broke into a huge grin and thanked me profusely. What do you think happened? I felt good all morning long! I kept thinking that maybe it was just what she needed that morning too.

You know, it doesn't cost us anything to compliment another woman. The women that we see around us don't have to be tall, thin, young, sexy or even completely pulled together to find something attractive about them. Imagine if you had the power to build someone up every day and make her day a little bit better. Well, YOU DO!

I want to issue a challenge to everyone who reads this. Take notice. Look around and see the beautiful handbags, scarves, shoes, jewelry, hairstyles, outfits or even personal features. When you see them, just make a short, nice comment about how lovely they are. Try doing this at least once a day. Watch the pleasure that spreads across the recipients face when she receives that compliment. Notice the warmth that spreads through your heart when you give that compliment.

Have a wonderful and beautiful week. Let us know what you experience.

Girlfriends

I have lived in St. Louis for almost 6 years. It is the longest that I have ever lived anywhere in one stretch (when from college to Mom and Dad's several times). The reason I tell you this is that it takes awhile to integrate into a community and figure out where you fit in. I have a few close girlfriends from high school and college. But, as an adult, I have not had a lot of girlfriends until now.

Today I went to an EWomen Network lunch (as I do every month) and after the meeting a few girls came up to see where we were going afterwards. It has just become our habit to hang out after and catch up. I was so touched that I was included in the circle of girlfriends...I just haven't been anywhere long enough to automatically be part of a group.

As we were sitting around the table, chatting, laughing and really connecting I sat back and reflected on how beautiful all of these women were. Every single one of them are different. They have different jobs, different ages, different personalities....the list goes on and on. But, as I watched them, sometimes laughing until they cried, I thought how this moment is one of those moments that makes a woman beautiful. The moment that she is enjoying, embracing and connecting with other women.

Another woman, who I hope becomes a girlfriend, told me recently that she met a woman in France that had such grace and elegance. She shared with me a story about how she studied this woman to see what it was that was so attractive and made her so elegant. At the end of the trip, the women from America decided that the French woman's grace came from her ability to savor and enjoy the moment. She wasn't rushed or putting on airs. She does the things that she does because she understands the value of the journey.

I tell you this because that is what I saw today. Beautiful, graceful women who for the moment were "in the moment". My wish for you is that you can take the time to laugh with your girlfriends and not worry about what comes next.